Que Sais-Je?

"Que Sais-Je?" - Lessons on Healing and Self Discovery

In the midst of my journey of self-discovery, I unearthed a piece of family history that shook me as profoundly as the truth about my father: Michel de Montaigne, the renowned French philosopher, is one of my great grandfathers. Learning this was more than a genealogical revelation; it felt like a key that unlocked a deeper understanding of myself. Montaigne's reflections on the fluidity of identity and the acceptance of life’s contradictions have become an essential guide for me, offering comfort as I navigate my own path of healing.

Rebuilding My Sense of Self 

In my first week in France, as I walked through the narrow streets of Strasbourg, the enormity of what I had left behind sank in. It wasn't just a physical distance from the life I knew; it was an emotional one. The truth of my family history had shattered a core part of my identity, leaving me to pick up the pieces. It was then that Montaigne’s words began to echo in my mind: 'Que sais-je?'—What do I know?

For Montaigne, the process of understanding the self was endless, filled with contradictions, uncertainties, and constant evolution. This resonates deeply with me. I thought that by coming to France, I might find clarity about who I am. But now, I understand that self-discovery isn’t about finding clear answers; it’s about accepting that life, much like identity, is fluid. Montaigne’s skepticism and introspection help me recognize that the truth I seek—about my family, my past, and myself—may never be complete, and that’s part of the journey.

Lessons from Montaigne on Embracing Imperfection

Montaigne’s reflections on human imperfection have been like a lifeline for me in these early days of healing. Growing up feeling like an outsider, I carried a deep-seated belief that there was something inherently wrong with me. The discovery of my biological father’s identity only amplified that feeling. But Montaigne reminds me that to be human is to be imperfect. He believed that we are all full of flaws, and it is through accepting these imperfections that we find peace.

In these quiet moments in France—whether sitting alone in a café or watching the sunset over the vineyards—I am learning that healing isn’t about becoming 'whole' or fixing what’s broken. It’s about making space for the parts of myself that feel messy, incomplete, and unresolved. Montaigne teaches me that true growth comes not from striving for perfection but from embracing the fact that I am always in flux, always becoming.

Finding Strength in Vulnerability through Montaigne

Montaigne also believed in the power of vulnerability—of laying bare our humanity, not just for others but for ourselves. In the solitude of this first week, I’ve come to understand the strength in being vulnerable with myself. For so many years, I built walls to protect myself from feeling too much, from being hurt. But here, in the stillness of France, those walls are beginning to come down. I’m learning to sit with my emotions—the sadness, the anger, the confusion—and let them be.

Montaigne’s essays are a testament to the beauty of vulnerability. He wrote not to present a perfect self to the world but to explore the depths of his own mind and soul, no matter how messy or contradictory they may have been. I’m trying to do the same. By allowing myself to feel everything—without judgment—I’m finding a new kind of strength, one that isn’t about being invulnerable but about being real.

A Journey with Montaigne as My Guide 

As I continue on this path of healing and self-discovery, Montaigne’s words are becoming a constant companion. His reflections on life’s uncertainties and imperfections mirror my own experience. I came to France searching for answers, but what I’m finding instead is a deeper connection to myself, one that accepts not knowing, that allows for messiness, and that finds peace in the vulnerability of simply being.

Montaigne’s legacy is a reminder that the journey to understanding ourselves is never complete, and perhaps it’s not meant to be. We are always evolving, always learning, always healing. And in that ongoing process, I’m beginning to find the freedom I’ve been searching for all along.